In Defense of Couples Therapy

Seeking couples therapy isn't admitting defeat. It's declaring war on complacency.

There are some mighty unhelpful ideas out there about couples therapy.

I should be able to handle my relationship troubles on my own. Don’t air your dirty laundry in public. Going to couples therapy is weak. Only women want to go to couples therapy, men don’t care. Only broken couples go to therapy. Couples therapy is a last resort.

As a someone who’s devoted tens of thousands of dollars and years of my life in training to be a couples therapist, and as someone who has found tremendous benefit in therapy for my own relationship, I’d like to see these unhelpful ideas replaced by better ones.

Those unhelpful ideas must be overwritten with the truth. 

Therapy does not automatically mean your relationship is "broken.” It's not proof that you've failed as partners or as individuals. These are stories we tell ourselves to avoid the uncomfortable truth that love requires maintenance.

Every relationship faces crossroads. 

Communication breaks down. Intimacy fades. Life stresses pile up. A thriving couple isn’t one who doesn’t struggle. The couples who thrive are the ones who refuse to struggle in isolation and silence.

You wouldn't fix a broken bone yourself. 

You wouldn't perform your own surgery or represent yourself in court. Yet somehow we've convinced ourselves that the most complex human endeavor—sustaining love across time—requires no outside help or expertise.

Strong relationships are built, not born. 

Great partnerships aren't accidents of compatibility. They don’t mysteriously “just work.” They're crafted through intention, effort, honesty, personal development and yes, sometimes professional guidance.

Get help early. 

Don't wait until you're hanging by a thread. Preventive care for relationships—like preventive care for your body—keeps small issues from becoming insurmountable problems.

Your relationship deserves investment. 

You invest in your career, your health, your hair, your skin, your home. The average wedding costs between $30,000 and $40,000. Six months of couples therapy costs a fraction of that and it lasts a lifetime, not just a weekend. Why would you neglect the foundation of your happiness? Professional guidance is an investment in your future together.

The stigma benefits no one. 

Every couple that seeks help makes it easier for the next couple to do the same. Your courage creates permission for others to prioritize their relationships. §