What to Expect: Couples Therapy
Deciding to try couples therapy together is a meaningful step in your relationship journey. Whether you're facing specific challenges, navigating major life changes, or simply wanting to deepen your connection, couples therapy provides a supportive space where both partners can be heard, understood, and work together toward the relationship you both want.
Before Your First Session
Preparing as a Couple
There's no special preparation required, but it can be helpful to:
Talk together about your hopes - What would you like to see change or improve?
Consider individual perspectives - Each partner may have different goals, and that's normal
Discuss your concerns - About therapy, about your relationship, about the process
Agree on basic commitment - To show up honestly and work together on this
Common Pre-Session Worries
"What if we just fight in front of the therapist?" - I'll help create a safe space for productive conversation
"What if my partner blames me for everything?" - I'll ensure both voices are heard and respected
"What if we realize we should break up?" - Couples therapy helps you make informed decisions about your relationship's future
What to Bring
Your authentic selves - Both the loving and frustrated parts
Willingness to listen - To your partner and to new perspectives
Patience with the process - Relationship patterns took time to develop and take time to change
Your First Session: Creating Safety Together
The First 15-20 Minutes
We'll start with the practical foundation:
Informed consent and paperwork - Understanding confidentiality for couples and my approach
Ground rules for respectful communication - How we'll talk together safely
Questions about the process - Both partners can ask anything they're wondering about
Payment and scheduling - Getting logistics sorted so we can focus on your relationship
The Rest of Our Time Together
Each partner's perspective - I'll make sure both voices are heard equally
Relationship strengths - What's working well between you, even in difficult times
Current challenges - What brought you to therapy, from both viewpoints
Initial relationship assessment - How do you communicate, handle conflict, show affection?
Remember: The first session is about creating safety and understanding your unique relationship dynamic. There's no pressure to solve everything immediately.
The Early Sessions: Understanding Your Relationship
Sessions 2-4: Mapping Your Connection
Communication patterns - How do you talk to each other, especially during stress?
Conflict styles - How do disagreements typically unfold between you?
Love languages - How do you each give and receive affection and appreciation?
Relationship history - What drew you together? How have you navigated challenges before?
Individual backgrounds - How do your families of origin influence your relationship?
What This Looks Like
Our sessions will focus on your relationship as a living system. We might explore:
Current stressors affecting your partnership
Life transitions you're navigating together (parenthood, career changes, aging parents, loss)
Intimacy and connection - emotional, physical, and spiritual
Individual growth within the relationship
Shared values and dreams for your future together
How Couples Therapy Works
Your Session Time
90 minutes - Relationships need more time than individual sessions
Weekly sessions initially, with flexibility as you progress
Both partners present - Couples therapy works best when both people are consistently involved
My Approach with Couples
Systemic perspective - Understanding how you influence each other and create patterns together
Emotionally focused - Helping you understand and express your deeper feelings and needs
Strengths-based - Building on what already works between you
Culturally responsive - Honoring both partners' backgrounds and values
The Therapeutic Relationship
I serve as a neutral guide who:
Doesn't take sides - Both partners deserve respect and understanding
Facilitates safe communication - Helping you hear each other more clearly
Identifies patterns - Pointing out cycles that might be hard to see from inside the relationship
Supports your partnership - Working for your relationship, not just individual satisfaction
Common Questions and Concerns
"What if we fight during sessions?"
Conflict often emerges in couples therapy—it's part of the process. I'll help you fight more productively and understand what's underneath the surface arguments.
"Will you tell us if we should stay together or break up?"
My role is to help you make your own informed decisions about your relationship. I'll support whatever choice feels right for both of you.
"What if my partner won't participate or just shuts down?"
Different people engage differently. I'm skilled at helping withdrawn partners find their voice and engaged partners create space for their partner.
"How do we handle what we discuss between sessions?"
We'll talk about how to practice new communication skills at home and what to do if conflicts arise between our meetings.
Navigating Couples Therapy Together
Both Partners' Needs Matter
Equal air time - Both perspectives are important and will be heard
Individual differences - You may process and respond differently, and that's okay
Shared goals - We'll work toward outcomes that honor both partners
Common Areas We'll Explore
Communication skills - How to talk and listen more effectively
Conflict resolution - Moving from fight-or-flight to productive problem-solving
Intimacy building - Deepening emotional, physical, and spiritual connection
Life transitions - Supporting each other through changes and challenges
Individual growth - How personal development strengthens your partnership
What Makes This Work Different
Couples therapy isn't about finding who's right or wrong—it's about understanding how you've created patterns together and how you can create new ones. In our work together, we'll:
Honor your love story - What brought you together remains important
Understand your "dance" - The unconscious patterns you've developed together
Build on your strengths - Every couple has ways they already work well together
Create new possibilities - Expanding how you connect, communicate, and support each other
Special Considerations
Confidentiality in Couples Work
What happens in session stays in session - I won't share details with others
Individual sessions - Occasionally I might meet with each partner separately, with clear agreements about what's shared
Safety first - If there are concerns about abuse or safety, we'll address these immediately
When Individual Work Might Help Too
Sometimes couples therapy is most effective when combined with individual therapy for one or both partners. This isn't a sign of failure—it's about getting you the most comprehensive support possible.
Getting the Most from Your Couples Therapy
Between Sessions
Practice new skills - Try out communication techniques we've discussed
Notice patterns - Pay attention to your relationship dynamics
Be patient with each other - Change takes time and practice
Celebrate small improvements - Acknowledge positive changes, however small
In Sessions
Share what's real for you - Even if it's difficult or might hurt your partner's feelings
Listen with curiosity - Try to understand your partner's perspective
Ask for what you need - Both from your partner and from the therapy process
Ready to Begin Together?
Taking this step together shows courage and commitment to your relationship. Whether you're in crisis or simply wanting to grow stronger together, I'd be honored to support your partnership.
Next steps:
Contact me to schedule a consultation or ask questions
Still exploring your options?
Read my blog for insights into relationships and personal growth
Remember: Seeking couples therapy is an investment in your relationship's future. Whatever challenges brought you here, your partnership deserves support in becoming its strongest, most loving version.
