Living in the Spirit of Friendship

When two people are in love people commonly say that they are “more than just friends.” But in the long run, they seem to treat each other as less than friends. Most people think that being in love is a much more intimate, more meaningful relationship than mere friendship. Why, then, do couples refuse each other the selfless love, the kindness and good will, that they readily give to their friends? People can’t ask of their friends that they carry all their projections, be scapegoats for all their moods, keep them feeling happy and make life complete for them. Why do couples impose these demands on each other?

Couples need to learn to be friends, to live with each other in a spirit of friendship, to take the quality of friendship as a guide through the tangles we have made of love.

-from We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love by Robert A. Johnson (1983)