One of my all time favorite poems is Mary Oliver describing a kingfisher diving into water after a fish: "hunger is the only story / he has ever heard in his life that he could believe." I return to that image often in my work with couples because wanting — the hunger itself — is so woven into what it means to be alive. We only cease to hunger when we cease to be.

Which is why it matters so much when people lose the thread back to what they want.

How to find each other after kids

When partners say “I love them, but I’m not in love with them.” Here’s a different way of thinking about what that in love feeling was, where it goes, and — most importantly — what it makes room for.